Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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