i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
