We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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