he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
