stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
