Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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