He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
