I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
