Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
