I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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