my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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