Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You were trust falling into bushes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
