she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
being pregnant is like rehab
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
