Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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