i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
