For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize