her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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