mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
