When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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