I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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