Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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