I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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