brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
