they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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