Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
