It's Friday. Sex?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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