atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
