At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
