My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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