Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize