I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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