Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
