last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
