i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
