Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
