if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
