Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
