i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
