i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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