My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
