so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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