i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
