im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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