The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
