At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My pussy is not your playground.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
