There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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