Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
