guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
