I want to make a zoo with you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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