Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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