Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
