just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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