my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
