Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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