im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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