I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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