I am in a vortex of obligation.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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