here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
