He uses pillows to masturbate.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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