Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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