im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
