I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Two words: blizzard sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
