I could have mohawked her pubes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize