"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
