two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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