i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
