another moral hangover. fuck.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
