at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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