They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
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I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
where are my eyebrows?
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