I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
In America we eat man semen.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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