My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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