i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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