Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
