Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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