weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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