kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize