I bet he comes in French.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
